Alp: One of a number of ski mountains in Europe. Also a shouted request for assistance made by a European skier on a U.S. mountain. An appropriate reply: "What Zermatter?"
Avalanche: One of the few actual perils skiers face that needlessly frighten timid individuals away from the sport. See also: Blizzard, Fracture, Frostbite, Hypothermia, Lift Collapse.
Bindings: Automatic mechanisms that protect skiers from potentially serious injury during a fall by releasing skis from boots, sending the skis skittering across the slope where they trip two other skiers, and so on and on, eventually causing the entire slope to be protected from serious injury.
Bones: There are 206 in the human body. No need for dismay, however: TWO bones of the middle ear have never been broken in a skiing accident.
Cross-Country Skiing: Traditional Scandinavian all-terrain snow-travelling technique. It's good exercise. It doesn't require the purchase of costly lift tickets. It has no crowds or lines. It isn't skiing. See Cross-Country Something-Or-Other.
Cross-Country Something-or-Other: Touring on skis along trails in scenic wilderness, gliding through snow-hushed woods far from the hubbub of the ski slopes, hearing nothing but the whispery hiss of the skis slipping through snow and the muffled tinkle of car keys dropping into the puffy powder of a deep, wind-sculped drift.
Exercises: A few simple warm-ups to make sure you're prepared for the slopes: *Tie a cinder block to each foot with old belts and climb a flight of stairs. *Sit on the outside of a second-story window ledge with your skis on and your poles in your lap for 30 minutes. *Bind your legs together at the ankles, lie flat on the floor; then, holding a banana in each hand, get to your feet.
Gloves: Designed to be tight enough around the wrist to restrict circulation, but not so closefitting as to allow any manual dexterity; they should also admit moisture from the outside without permitting any dampness within to escape.
Gravity: One of four fundamental forces in nature that affect skiers. The other three are the strong force, which makes bindings jam; the weak force, which makes ankles give way on turns; and electromagnetism, which produces dead batteries in expensive ski-resort parking lots. See Inertia.
Inertia: Tendency of a skier's body to resist changes in direction or speed due to the action of Newton's First Law of Motion. Goes along with these other physical laws: * Two objects of greatly different mass falling side by side will have the same rate of descent, but the lighter one will have larger hospital bills. * Matter can neither be created nor destroyed, but if it drops out of a parka pocket, don't expect to encounter it again in our universe. * When an irrestible force meets an immovable object, an unethical lawyer will immediately appear.
Prejump: Manuever in which an expert skier makes a controlled jump just ahead of a bump. Beginners can execute a controlled prefall just before losing their balance and, if they wish, can precede it with a prescream and a few pregroans.
Shin: The bruised area on the front of the leg that runs from the point where the ache from the wrenched knee ends to where the soreness from the strained ankle begins.
Ski! : A shout to alert people ahead that a loose ski is coming down the hill. Another warning skiers should be familiar with is "Avalanche!" - which tells everyone that a hill is coming down the hill.
Skier: One who pays an arm and a leg for the opportunity to break them.
Stance: Your knees should be flexed, but shaking slightly; your arms straight and covered with a good layer of goose flesh; your hands forward, palms clammy, knuckles white and fingers icy, your eyes a little crossed and darting in all directions. Your lips should be quivering, and you should be mumbling, "Why?"
Thor: The Scandinavian god of acheth and painth.
Traverse: To ski across a slope at an angle; one of two quick and simple methods of reducing speed.
McClaren was the first Englishman to coach a Bundesliga side
Former England coach Steve McClaren has been sacked by German side Wolfsburg.
McClaren took over at the Bundesliga outfit in May after steering FC Twente to the Dutch title last season.
But he has struggled at Wolfsburg and has left with the club in 12th place and one point from the relegation zone after Saturday's defeat at Hannover 96.
"VfL [Wolfsburg] have parted ways with Steve McClaren. Pierre Littbarski is taking over," said a statement from the 2009 German league champions.
After spells as assistant to Jim Smith at Derby and Sir Alex Ferguson at Manchester United, McClaren started his managerial career at Middlesbrough where his side won the League Cup in 2004 and reached the Uefa Cup final in 2006.
However, after being given the job of leading England in May 2006, the national team failed to qualify for Euro 2008 and he was dismissed in November 2007.
We have tried to make things work for as long as possible, but we have lost faith that we can bring success
Wolfsburg director of sport Dieter Hoeness
McLaren rebuilt his reputation after being appointed as FC Twente boss, steering the club to a first league title in their 45-year history and becoming the first English coach to win a major European league title since Sir Bobby Robson with Porto in 1996.
The 49-year-old could not replicate the same degree of success at Wolfsburg, winning only five of his 21 games in charge and he eventually lost the backing of the club only nine months into a two-year contract
"We were no longer sure that we could work with Steve McClaren until the end of the season with some stability," said director of sport Dieter Hoeness.
"We have tried to make things work for as long as possible, but we have lost faith that we can bring success.
"Following the recent negative results we cannot underestimate our situation in the table.
"Being only one point clear of the relegation places, we are alarmed.
"Now it's just a question of increasing the gap to the relegation places as soon as possible."
McClaren criticised forward Diego after the defeat by Hannover when the playmaker did not follow his orders to let striker Patrick Helmes take an 80th-minute penalty.
Diego missed the spot-kick and, with only one win in their last 11 games, Wolfsburg took action to change the club management.
"The players argued about it [the penalty] like kids in a playground," added Hoeness. "And because of that we were beaten in a match that we should never have lost."
Meanwhile, Wolfsburg chairman Dr Francisco Javier Garcia Sanz claimed the club had given the Yorkshireman plenty of opportunities to turn their season around
"We have not seen any alternative," said Garcia Sanz.
"Of course we all want to see continuity, particularly in the coaching position. Therefore, we have been waiting a long time with the decision.
"The supervisory board and management now believes, however, that the team cannot continue under Steve McClaren."
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